5 Things in Small children NOT caused by parenting

5 Things in Small Children that are NOT caused by Bad Parenting 

(despite some opinions to the contrary)

1. Tantrums
Most people who believe these are caused by bad parenting are people who have had very limited interaction (if any) with very many kids under the age of 4.  Not every child has the classic tantrums, of course, but for those who do trying to stop one is roughly the equivalent of trying to stop a semi truck whose brakes just quit working on a steep hill.  Yeah, good luck with that.  There are a few things you can do to sort of minimize or shorten them that work sometimes.  Maybe.  But for some all you can do is let that truck roll on down the hill.  Thankfully, the kids do outgrow them, usually in a year or less.  I feel quite lucky that only one of my 3 children had the classic tantrums.  Not every parent is so lucky, so have some compassion! 

2. Food Pickiness
EVERY child goes through this.  Every.single.one.  Some are more picky than others; it's true.  And yes, most very strict parents can eventually make them eat things they hate by force feeding, severe discipline, or starving them until they become desperate enough to eat anything.  But that is NOT good parenting in my book, and {guess what} their kids were picky too (and still are in their hearts).  The majority of kids will grow out of the extreme pickiness with age and the most minimal measures to encourage them to TRY new things, no force-feeding necessary.  And for those who still won't eat broccoli, well maybe they can be President some day.  ;)  Everyone has food preferences and things they won't eat if they can avoid it--even adults!!  (For those who don't get the reference, George Bush Sr. hates broccoli to this day, and rumor has it refused to allow the White House to serve it when he was sitting President!)

3. Whining
Some kids just whine.  Yes, eventually you can teach them not to do it, although they will do it again if they are over-tired or feeling sick.  And I've also met kids with naturally whiny voices, which you can hardly blame on parenting!  Also, some kids don't even realize they are doing it, so it's incredibly difficult to re-train those types of children.  It takes time.  Sometimes lots and lots and lots of time.  Hopefully they will stop by the time they are 18, right? 

4. Being Loud
Lots of kids are naturally loud.  The quiet ones are the more unusual, in my experience.  And some kids just have naturally loud voices, even when they whisper.  They can be trained, of course, but it takes years of effort and practice for them to learn to restrain their voices.  My eldest son did it, and one of the youngers is still working on it (both have naturally loud and projecting voices!).  In the meantime, you may as well tell a thunderstorm to hush.  If you don't like loud children, I suggest you avoid places where children exist.

5. Not Responding to People
My own children are about as shy as a stampede, so speaking to people was never an issue for us.  Still, I recognize that some kids are just naturally shy.  I've met kids like this.  You can't force a child to speak if he doesn't want to--it usually doesn't work, and if you do force it the trauma may counteract whatever benefit you think you are getting from it.  Eventually they will hopefully be trained to work beyond their shyness to be polite and function better socially, but like the other things above, this times TIME, and lots of it.

Minor Disclaimer:  Note in the title that I do specify SMALL children.  The first one in particular really applies only to the classic "2-year-old" tantrums (which really can happen anytime from 18 months to almost 4).  If you have an 8-yo still throwing tantrums, then yes I'd agree that unless there is some mental illness involved there are probably parenting issues.  The 2nd and 3rd should mostly be outgrown or trained out of them by the time they are teens, though of course even adults can have specific food aversions that are sometimes described as "picky," and some people have whiny voices their entire lives (even if they aren't a character named Janice on the TV show Friends!).  The last two, honestly, can sometimes be lifetime struggles (for the naturally very loud or naturally very shy person)!