Why I Believe in Church Membership

Just a random topic inspired by Sunday's Sermon.  :)

1. Commitment, like marriage.
Of course church membership is not as serious or permanent as Marriage should be, however it still involves making a commitment, formally and in public.  It tells the world that this is MY church, and I am bound to it.

2. Accountability, like family.
Attenders only, no matter how "regular" they may be, usually don't (and shouldn't!) have voting rights, so they really have no say in leadership or procedure or etc.  Likewise, they have refused to put themselves under the authority of anyone else in the church.  Once you join, the accountability goes both ways.  Until you join, you are really just a visitor only, no matter how often you attend.  You might make friends in the church, which is great, but they aren't family.  You might be "fed" spiritually, but you aren't giving anything back or showing that it has really meant anything to you.  When you are a family, you look out for each other, as you should!

3. Belonging, like a nationality.
We lived in Germany for 6 years--it's the longest I've lived anywhere as an adult.  When I was there, it felt very much like home, yet it never truly was my home.  I wasn't german, nor did I ever think I was, not for a moment.  I enjoyed living there, had some pride in my local area, even learned a bit of their customs and language, but I was always an outsider, never really one of them.  To me this feels very much the same when you are a long-term visitor in a church (which I have also done a couple of times).  No matter how much I enjoyed it, and learned that church's unique customs and practices and terms, I never took that step of commitment and trust and full acceptance of joining, so it was never really truly my home.  Long term visitors at church, sometimes called "regular attenders," are like the expatriots who live overseas but never change their nationalities.  Most expats do this, I think, because they plan on going back to their true home eventually--we certainly did, and have.  So Christian, what are you waiting to go back to??

What is Marriage really all about?

Or in other words, Why do people want to get Married?  This has become a hot topic with the recent legal and dictionary changes in our Nation, so like many Americans I've really been giving a lot of thought.  So, fwiw here are MY top answers for what Marriage is really about (and why to pursue it), in order of importance:

1. You have compatible life goals and purposes.  For anyone of Faith, God is a key component of this reason too.  If he wants to be a Missionary and her goal is to be a punk rock star, they really have no business even dating let alone getting married.  If he wants to be a doctor and she wants to stay home and raise children, these life goals are very compatible... BUT if he is an atheist and his idea of medicine is to run an abortion clinic, while she is a pro-life Christian, then no their purposes are not at all in sync, and they should run in opposite directions.  Marriage was designed to be a lifetime commitment, a family, not just "going steady" while it suits you.  If all you want is a partner for awhile, then don't get married.  It's critical when seeking a person to be a part of you "until death do you part" that this man/woman who is becoming part of you is on the same page, at least on "the big things" that matter most to you.

2. You love each other's families.  This is a reason too often overlooked, but the more I think about it the more I feel like this is a better reason to be married than some of the others I have heard (romantic love, sex, money, etc.).  When you marry someone, you marry the entire family NOT just one person.  His brothers are now YOUR brothers (in law, but still in every sense except the fact that you didn't grow up together); her sisters (if she has any), your sisters.  You have now gained a second set of parents, and probably more grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and so on...  "While you were Sleeping" is imho perhaps the most romantic movie ever, because she "falls in love" with his entire family, really before even loving him.  Awesome.  Now I'm not saying that you should reject your potential spouse outright if you dislike her family, but think carefully before you proceed... you are stuck with these people, for better or worse, for the rest of your life.  Go back to #1--is she "estranged" from her family, and/or dislikes them for the same reasons you do?  Then you may be just fine, because you are together on it.  But if she adores her family and you can't stand them, NO.  Just no.  Likewise, if you meet this great family but you aren't sure about the potential love interest because she really doesn't seem like "your type" at first, maybe you should give her another chance.  :)

3. To have children.  If you are single wanting children, and you find a man or woman who you feel would be a great parent, this imho is a good reason to consider marrying said person.  :)  Spend some time together, and if you like each other and feel compatible, discover you like each other's families, and most importantly share similar life purposes (faith, goals, etc.), then by all means get married and make beautiful babies together!  But if you can't find someone and don't want to wait, there are millions of children desperately in need of even one parent.  I don't think there's anything wrong with adopting, while you are still young and have the energy!... that to me is preferable to rushing into marriage with someone solely for the sake of having children. 

But  to put it another way, in my opinion marriage is all about family:
1. Creating a new family to go through life together, hand in hand
2. Combining your original families in the 2 of you
3. Continuing that family into the next generation (even if you are unable or choose to not have children, you can still influence the next generation through your nieces and nephews, and your new family of 2 can also have an influence on children in the community (through your church, neighborhood, volunteer work, etc.)

So, what about the old "marriage for love" ideal?  I am a hopeless romantic, and had plenty of crushes in my time, and I am a sucker for mushy movies.  I could even name 3 different young men before my husband that I can honestly say I truly loved.  But love alone isn't what Marriage is all about, and clearly I disagree completely with the idea of there being only one "right" person.  The human heart has an endless capacity for love, and there are lots of people in the world worthy of our love!  Of course you should really like the man or woman you marry, but no I truly don't think being "in love" is necessary.  Long term love in marriage is a choice.  The passion comes and goes, but if you choose to commit and love that person forever, you will.  I really do believe it's that simple.  Don't marry someone just because you love them--marry them because that person is the one you feel you just can't live without (and who meets one or more of the list above!).  Just my 2c!  :)